I have decided to start this email account FOR you FROM me. The idea is that I will try to write you an email every day, or as many times a week as I can. This email is for me to tell you all the things I think, feel, and want you to know as you continue to grow up. I am not going to decide now when I will give you the password to it, but someday I will, whether it be when you grow up or when I feel you would get the most need and pleasure out of it.
I know that we talk a lot (sometimes much to your preteen dismay) and we have been close all these 11 years that we have been together as mother and daughter — each other’s “sidekicks” — but you are growing up quickly right now and you are also going through puberty. This is the time in a young girl’s life that she begins to need her mother less and her personal life more. That is natural and that is all a part of the process. However, there will be times when you won’t want to talk to your old mom; times you will think that I don’t know what I am talking about or that I don’t understand you; and times you won’t come to me and you’ll go to someone else. Because you’re only 11 right now, you can’t fathom a day that you wished you had paid more attention to the things I said or that there will even be a day you will miss those conversations, but there will be. This is also natural and a part of the process. That’s why I want to start this email address: I want you to have the conversations we didn’t have, or the ones you tuned out, for when you are older. Trust me, there will be a day they will be treasured and something you’ll want to revisit because I won’t be around to have them with you in person anymore.
This is also natural and all a part of the process.
Many days, all they will be are affirmations of my love for you. Many days I will just want to tell you how very much you mean to me and how much you have been the greatest joy and blessing of my life. Many days I will just want to remind you of how wonderful you are. Many days there will be no other point at all than to tell you that you have always been my most important person in the world!
So, my love, today starts a long journey of Daily Letters of Love from your dear ole “Mama”, as you always have called me. Right now you’d probably roll your eyes if you knew I was doing this, but I think there will be a day that your eyes will read and reread them many times as the years go by. I have plans of printing them out and putting them in some sort of binder or box or book for you, too, but all of those things can be lost – this email will remain here for as long as gmail exists, and it’s just one other place to keep them stored safe and right at your fingertips when you need them.
Also, for the (personal to my writing cred…) record, I don’t plan to even proofread these – let alone edit them – so please disregard and ignore all grammar, spelling and punctuation problems. ::snicker:: I will more than likely be writing these in the morning with my first cup of tea after you go to school, or late at night after you go to bed, so I will just use this as a flowing, untuned diary to you. As you read them and find all those errors, just remember your mom was actually a pretty decent writer in her day, but she had editors for that.
Baby Doll, I love you more than ANY of my words could ever, ever, EVER say, but I am going to darn well try.
Your Proud Mommy XO